Sarrah, who discovered America ?

Thrump : You know Sarrah, who discovered America  ? 
Sarrah   : Abraham Lincoln, no... may be Columbus  ? He 
                 started from Australia, landed in India and then 
                 here, don't you see he brought ship load of Indians 
                 mostly women with big big things ... 
Thrump : S#%t , i missed it , all those big big things.
                  By the way Sarrah, that's why there are too many
                  of those Indians here.
                  S#%t, I can't let this continue ,
                  take note, I will  ban all Indian Visas when I
                  become president, well may be, except those 
                  women with 
                  big-big things...
                 

Sarrah, when I am in Whhite House

Thrump : You wanna teach me some Geography ? 
Sarrah   : Oom, sure, why not ? When , now ?
Thrump : Nah, in my ORAL office, 
                  got to make the sofas wider..  
                  don' bring your hockey stick
                  I have a powerful one ,will use that... 

When SHE says...

When She says 
"Oh dear, I like you so much" , it may also mean
"Oh dear, I like your bulging  wallet so much"

When your mother-in-law says on phone
"I am coming for a while" , it for sure means
"I have a long agenda to settle with you that may take 6 months"

When he says 
"Yeah, it's good" , it definitely means
"S#&t , I can do much better"

When your 3 year old daughter says 
"Dad, isn't that candy beautiful" , it definitely means
"Dad, i would like to have at least 10 of these candies"

When your 6 year old son says 

"Dad, let's go fishing" , it may also mean

"Dad, look I am going to fight that shark , I am a superman"

Fun In office place

Posted in a project whiteboard 
"Five Critical mistakes, you will be FRIED"

Mail reply from a non-English speaking vendor
"I DOES not come now, I will come YESTERDAY"

Comments on a rejected Leave application
"Your grandma can not die twice in last 6 months
   Leave not granted.
   Show some other reason"

On a rainy day, overheard
"Sir, may I have your umbrella ?
   Sure, can I borrow your purse ?"


Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.

Boss has gone to Bull-fight

Hey, where is the boss ?
He has gone for a bull-fight.
What ! Bull-fight , now , where !?
His wife phoned and I saw him rushing with 5 golf clubs 
Crazy,he bull fights with golf clubs ! Call me when he's back
Dear sir, he will not be back today, if you have business,
check the Emergency ward in the hospital here.

Now, I need to inform the emergency...
Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.

Breast ever Sales Manager

CEO speech in sales award ceremony :
Hey guys and gals ,
The guy you see on stage beside me has been awarded the 
"Breast Ever Sales Manager" award , 
a Cash Prize and a big promotion.

This bloody clever guy told me a month back 
to advertise BR-east® Milk in our men's products
See where we are now ,   we are on top, guys we are on top !!!
Our men's products sales has increased 50 times.... 

We added BR-east® Milk in our men's shaving products.
That's it , we did it and we are on top now , guys ....
Our sales has increased 50 times just in a month...
Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.

Sir, your mother-in-law is on line

                 
Sec        : Sir, your mother-in-law is on line and shouting
Boss      : Shit, tell her I am out on business
Sec        : Sir, she is asking when you shall be back ?
Boss      : Tell that windbag , not before 31st February , 2069.

Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.

Cab driver : Sorry, I  Kan take you to Ur dadd-ing-law, but
                      I not know whore is Ur Man-in-Law

Blonde        : S#@t ! You Filipino guys are nuts.S#@t !
                      I have come all the way from states to see 
                      Man-in Law. And s#@t you don't know  where
                      is Man-in-Law in Philippines

Cab driver : Shhit big shhit , yu don't wan dadd-ing-law, 
                      I not know 
                      whore is Ur man-in-Law in Philippines , 
                      shhit habe some fu?k-in-law, 
                      yu vill like it...

Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.

Are You an IDIOT ?

A group of 4 villagers came to Buddha to settle
the issue who is the most idiotic person amongst them. So, it went like this -
  Buddha : "Are you an idiot?"
  1st man :"No lord , I am a farmer"
  Buddha : "Are you an idiot?"
  2nd man :"No lord , I am a barber"
  Buddha : "Are you an idiot?"
  3rd man :"No lord , I am a teacher"
  Buddha : "Are you an idiot?"
  4th man :"shit! why are you asking this IDIOTIC questions time and again"

Buddha smiled calmly. Then asked them,
"Now you tell me , who is the IDIOT?"

All the 1st 3 men started laughing & dancing , shouting
"We know now lord, we know now"
and went away leaving the 4th man, real idiot, behind,
puzzled and confused.

Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.
  

Lord Puddin's Diary

........
I just had a cupcake and ice Crimea.
But my enormous tank is still half empty.
The lord , the  Czar of the World can hardly feel happy with this.
I want more.

Raping and ripping a few states here and there is my hobby.
I am very passionate about it.
I don't care about those dogs barking behind my back.

That bugger Dobama is quite a laughing stock.
Who cares sanctions on my favourite ice cream and sausage.
wonder if he has got a thing at all below his belt...

I will rape the world , rip the world.
Alas , Wish I could send my hooligans blazing from Alasca to Kalifornika.Want to see if he can keep his pants dry...
......... 

Puddin
The CZAR
Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional. Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.
  

Don't worry ,You F~!^*/g asshole

Boss :
             Be careful boy , don't use any profane words.
             This is your first news appearance on our  Network.

Intern :
              Don't worry ,You F~!^*/g asshole.
               I don't know Profane, speak only American .

Blonde and Adult Ticket

Zoo counter : Sorry, dear , $40 for adults.
Blonde          : I am not adult , I m below 18 for last 5 years.
                        And I know what an adult does.
                        I enjoy the adult acts so much. So, why...

Zoo counter : Dear, I didn't mean that ...
Blonde          :Then give me ticket for teens only,
                        I will not look at your adult animals.

Disclaimer : The characters and names above are purely fictional.
Author doesn't intend to hurt anyone's sensibility and integrity. Only objective is some hearty lungful of laugh without any prejudice in regards of race, sex, profession and religion.

Papa WON't like it : in praise of CONDOM

It certainly didn't look like a CONDOM.
It felt like a fresh virgin SAUSAGE Erect and throbbing .
This changed everything,

I ate it Hungrily,
Then took him in.

 

paranoia reDEFINED by MILKman

You are absolutely Paranoid ,
If YOU think the milkman on your door
is the son of your father or grandmother or
is the father of your granddaughter or
is the son of your ex-wife whose daughter is your mother-in-law

 

Leaked Condom Syndrom answers

TEACHER:Hey you , Leaked Condom Syndrom,
                   can you answer my question?

STUDENT: Sure,when my DAD screwed your MOTHER,
                   there was no leak. It gushed and went straight into her
                   groove. He doesn't like rubber , you see.
                   I was told she was such a horny bitch.
                   $1000 a night she used to charge.